Female Ejaculation, also known as female squirting, is one of the highlights of most of my sexual experiences. It provides a feeling of a nice release as if a pressure valve has been relieved in my genitals. This is not the same feeling as the pleasurable contractions that happen during orgasm. In my experience, it is it’s own event, and yet it sometimes accompanies orgasm. It’s also worth noting that I prefer the term gushing over squirting as it feels like a more accurate description for my experience from day one. But for simplicity, I will often use the term squirting in this post.
My first time squirting was also the first time I had an orgasm. I was 18, playing around with my very first vibrator called The Waterdancer - a compact, waterproof vibe with a decent amount of power. These days I steer away from recommending the Waterdancer for a first-time vibe because it only offers one powerful speed, setting the default for an inclination towards stronger vibrations. However, I didn’t know very much about sex toys back then, so I unknowingly set the stage to become a power queen. But pleasure is pleasure, right? ;)
At any rate, the play session resulted in my first orgasm accompanied by a small gush of fluid, of which I was unprepared for. It’s not that I had never heard of female ejaculation, but rather that I was uneducated about it, leaving me a bit confused, and quite possibly somewhat doubtful that it wasn’t just urine. So I set out to research: What was this magical fluid? And can all women squirt?
The first book I read, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl, gave me some clarity and peace of mind. It explained that, not only is this a natural process, but it also has the potential to be a powerful experience with the possibility of connecting squirters and their receivers to the Divine. While that wasn’t quite my experience, it intensified my curiosity and relieved some of my doubt.
Soon after I began squirting with partners. A number of them thought it was interesting, but did not seem enthusiastically excited about it. This brought up more questions, and a bit of insecurity. As we’ve said on the podcast, if you put enough energy into thoughts about insecurities, they can quickly become beliefs. Unfortunately that’s exactly what I did: I began to believe that perhaps there was something wrong with me. And only a few years after turning on the faucet, my subconscious somehow turned it off, and I stopped squirting at around age 22.
Enter my first kinky play partner who consensually milked my g-spot on the counter of a sex shop (after hours of course). While intense pressure/milking isn’t my preferred way to be pleasured and/or ejaculate, it served a purpose as it (albeit forcibly) turned the faucet back on. All of the sudden I was able to squirt again! By this time I was 25, a sex educator, and more equipped to understand what was happening with my body. There were also more resources available, including one of my favorite books, The Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston - the first book I had seen that actually explained the process of female ejaculation at a cellular level. Shortly after I began dating people who LOVED female ejaculation. No, I was not screening for them ;) But it does seem that the FeJac fans finally flocked to me once my psyche was fully on board. All of the sudden my sex life was filled with folks who could not get enough of it! This added to my ability to not only embrace this part of me, but to LOVE it as well.
So, curious how to make her squirt? Well, first of all, not all squirters identify as her. Second, don’t make her do anything. Sure, you can aggressively milk the g-spot (WITH CONSENT) to force some fluid out, but that isn’t usually the most pleasurable for the receiver. So step one: Make the entire process about the receiver, and not about you. Show up with the intention to pleasure instead of making a girl squirt. The pressure that comes from goals can get in the way of one’s ability to let go into complete presence for the pleasure at hand. Step two: Spend lots of time warming their mind and body up. Dedicate 20+ minutes to romancing, adoring, caressing, honoring the receiver’s entire body for 20+ minutes BEFORE touching the genitals. Let them know that they are safe, that you will take care of them, and that anything that happens is beautiful and perfect and accepted (in your own words, of course). This goes a LONG as female ejaculation requires relaxation of the mind and body, and safety is a precursor to relaxation. Consider laying down a towel or a waterproof blanket to ease the mind about making a mess. Step Three: When you begin to touch the yoni/pussy/vulva, touch SLOW and SOFT externally for a while. Ask the receiver for feedback: Faster? Slower? Softer? Harder? Continue the adoring by letting them know that their vulva is beautiful, yummy, etc (again, in your own words). Praise the pussy! Step four: When you see the vulva nice and engorged, ask permission to enter then with a finger. This will help to strengthen the safety factor (as opposed to entering without verbal consent). Five: Let your finger curl up in the come-hither motion as if you are trying to hook your finger towards the belly button, but barely move. Let the vaginal canal acclimate to having something inside of it. Six: Begin playing with pressure and speed, starting slow and soft and working your way up. Check in with the receiver along the way to see what feels good. Check in with yourself to make sure you are staying present + not getting set on goals. Seven: Enjoy the journey! If they they squirt, great! If not, bask in the connection and pleasure that you just created.
So, with all of that said, we would love to hear from YOU! What do you love about female ejaculation? And what are some of the best techniques?
Want to learn more? Check out episode #80: G-Spots, Squirting and Vulva Mapping